Are You Being Used in a Relationship? 2 Ways from Psychology to Get Over It

Do you often feel like you’re being taken advantage of, sensing that those around you see you merely as a tool for their own benefit? This silent anger, brewing beneath the surface, can stem from friends, colleagues, or even loved ones failing to show you the respect you deserve. Understanding the personality traits that make someone more likely to be used is crucial in addressing and overcoming these feelings of exploitation in relationships. In this article, we will explore the psychological underpinnings and offer strategies to overcome the situation and establish healthier boundaries.

Signs of Being Used in a Relationship

Recognising the signs of being used in a relationship is crucial for maintaining our emotional well-being and establishing healthy boundaries. Here are some key indicators that you might be experiencing this kind of dynamic:

• One-sided Effort: You consistently give more in terms of time, emotional support, or resources, while the other person contributes little or nothing.
• Feeling Ignored: Your needs and feelings are frequently disregarded, and the relationship revolves around the other person’s wants and requirements.
• Frequent Requests: The other person only contacts you or engages with you when they need something, rather than for mutual interaction or support.
• Compromised Boundaries: You often compromise your own values or boundaries to please the other person or keep the relationship intact.
• Lack of Reciprocity: There is a noticeable imbalance where your contributions are not acknowledged or reciprocated, leading to feelings of being undervalued.

Personality Traits of Someone Likely to Be Used in Relationships

To determine if you are prone to being used in relationships, examining your personality traits is a good starting point. In psychology, the Big Five Personality Test (McCrae & Costa, 2008) is a popular tool in analysing personality.

First, consider Agreeableness. While high agreeableness means you value others' feelings and prioritise their emotions, the trait alone does not necessarily make you more prone to being used — the two other traits below must be considered as well.

The two additional traits that make someone more likely to be used in relationships are Neuroticism and Conscientiousness. High neuroticism involves experiencing negative emotions frequently, leading to anxiety and self-doubt. High conscientiousness is linked to a strong sense of responsibility and systematic approach to commitments, making you feel guiltier when you fail to meet others’ expectations.

If you exhibits high levels of agreeableness, neuroticism, and conscientiousness, you might be more prone to being used or manipulated in relationships. This combination can make you more likely to experience negative emotions, doubt yourself, and prioritise others' feelings over your own. Your strong sense of guilt might also make you vulnerable to emotional manipulation.

If you recognise these traits in yourself, you might need to consider whether you have become someone who is being used in a toxic relationship.

Advice 1 for Those Being Used in Relationships: Remove Yourself from Exploitative Circles

If you find yourself in a social circle where you are consistently taken advantage of, it’s crucial to take steps to distance yourself. Gradually reducing interactions with these individuals can help protect your self-esteem. For instance, if you’re in a workplace where you feel undervalued and exploited, you may not be able to leave immediately due to practical considerations. However, you can focus on building your own value and self-esteem continuously.

Advice 2 for Those Being Used in Relationships: Communicate Assertively and Set Personal Boundaries

Learning Assertive Communication is vital if you’re being used in relationships. Assertive communication involves firmly expressing your personal boundaries under pressure without being aggressive (Lonczak, 2020).

Why should we set personal boundaries in relationships? Without boundaries, you might find yourself tolerating poor treatment, which can perpetuate a cycle of self-sabotage and damaged self-esteem.

Here are three steps to use assertive communication in relationships:

Step 1: Set Personal Boundaries in Advance.

Define what an ideal relationship looks like for you and write down or establish some guidelines for yourself.

Step 2: Set a Clear Deadline for Yourself.

Decide on a timeframe, such as three months or six months. If the situation doesn’t improve, consider ending the relationship.

Step 3: Communicate Your Boundaries to the Other Party.

This might feel intimidating, but growth often comes from challenging situations. Assertive communication helps you maintain your well-being and avoid being used.

By applying these strategies, you can better manage situations where you are being used or emotionally blackmailed and enhance your overall well-being in your relationships, and MindForest can help you grasp a more clear picture and customise a plan for the implementation of the strategies.

Download the MindForest App to Overcome Being Used in a Relationship

MindForest is your specialised AI coach, designed to help you address and overcome the feeling of being used in your relationships. Key features include:

1) Interactive Psychology Courses: Tailored to help you recognise and overcome the feeling of being used, these courses enhance your resilience and well-being, teaching effective management of personal relationships.

2) AI Coaching for Assertiveness: Discuss your relationship dynamics confidentially, gain strategies to assert boundaries and improve well-being, and reduce tendencies to be used by others.

3) Reflective Insight Journal: Personalised journals track your progress in fostering healthier relationships and overcoming feelings of being used.

Download MindForest and empower yourself to prioritise your well-being and resist being used in relationships.

References

DeYoung, C. G., Quilty, L. C., & Peterson, J. B. (2007). Between facets and domains: 10 aspects of the Big Five. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 93(5), 880–896.

Lonczak, H. S. (2020, September 3). What Is Assertive Communication? 10 Real-Life Examples. Retrieved from https://positivepsychology.com/assertive-communication/

McCrae, R. R., & Costa, P. T., Jr. (2008). The five-factor theory of personality. In O. P. John, R. W. Robins, & L. A. Pervin (Eds.), Handbook of personality: Theory and research (3rd ed., pp. 159–181). The Guilford Press.

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