When you’re close but not committed, what does that really mean?This might be the question many people ask themselves when caught in a relationship that lacks a clear definition. You talk frequently, spend time together, and may even share moments of intimacy. Emotionally, it feels close, yet it’s difficult to say with confidence, “We’re a couple.”This emotionally ambiguous state has a name in modern psychology: the situationship (Gupta, 2024; Langlais et al., 2024; Vilhauer, 2024).In this article, we’ll take a gentle and thoughtful look at what a situationship really is, why we fall into one, how it affects our emotional wellbeing, and how to care for ourselves when love feels uncertain.
“What Exactly Are We?” Understanding the Emotional Pull of a Situationship
When you’re close but not committed, what does that really mean?
This might be the question many people ask themselves when caught in a relationship that lacks a clear definition. You talk frequently, spend time together, and may even share moments of intimacy. Emotionally, it feels close, yet it’s difficult to say with confidence, “We’re a couple.”
This emotionally ambiguous state has a name in modern psychology: the situationship (Gupta, 2024; Langlais et al., 2024; Vilhauer, 2024).
In this article, we’ll take a gentle and thoughtful look at what a situationship really is, why we fall into one, how it affects our emotional wellbeing, and how to care for ourselves when love feels uncertain.
What Is a Situationship? 6 Signs You’re Stuck in an Undefined Relationship
More than friends, not quite partners. Are you in this grey area?
A situationship isn’t just a casual fling. It’s a form of emotional connection that exists between friendship and romance, without any clear status or commitment (Gupta, 2024). While there may be warmth and companionship, what’s missing is a sense of direction and emotional security.
Here are six common signs that you might be in a situationship:
1) No clear conversation about the relationship
You’ve never defined what you are to each other, and there’s been no talk of labels or shared expectations.
2) The dynamic swings between closeness and distance
One moment you feel deeply connected, the next they pull away. The inconsistency keeps you on edge.
3) No shared plans for the future
Even though you’re emotionally or physically close, there’s little to no discussion about what’s next.
4) Surface-level emotional sharing
You might talk often, but there’s a barrier that prevents you from truly opening up to each other.
5) Meeting up happens out of convenience
You see each other when it’s easy or convenient, rather than making intentional plans to spend time together.
6) No commitment or discussion of exclusivity
One or both of you may be seeing other people, but the topic is never brought up or addressed clearly.
Research shows that many situationships involve similar physical intimacy to committed relationships, such as kissing, cuddling or sex, but with a noticeable absence of commitment (Langlais et al., 2024).
Why Do We Fall Into Situationships? Psychology Behind Mixed Signals and Emotional Avoidance
The fear of intimacy, past wounds and why we sometimes stay in the grey area
We don’t always end up in undefined relationships because we’re indecisive. Often, it’s because we’re torn inside. We crave closeness but are afraid of what it might cost us.
Psychologists have found that many people in situationships do want connection and intimacy, but aren’t ready or willing to face the emotional vulnerability and responsibility that deeper relationships require (Gupta, 2024).
Sometimes we stay because we hope things will change. Maybe they’ll open up. Maybe the relationship will evolve into something more. But while we wait, we may be slowly losing sight of our own emotional needs and sense of self.
How Situationships Affect Your Mental Health: Anxiety, Doubt and Emotional Exhaustion
When a relationship without clarity begins to affect your peace of mind.
Situationships might seem casual or freeing at first, but they can come with emotional consequences like limerance, especially when feelings grow deeper.
According to Vilhauer (2024), when a relationship involves emotional or physical closeness but lacks a sense of safety or stability, it can lead to several mental health challenges:
1) Increased anxiety and uncertainty
You might spend time overanalysing their words or actions, unsure if you’re too much or not enough.
2) Growing self-doubt and inner criticism
When someone avoids giving you clarity, it’s easy to start questioning your own worth or feeling like you’re the problem.
3) The more you invest, the more drained you feel
As your emotional attachment deepens, the lack of clear reciprocity or consistency becomes more painful.
Studies show that people who repeatedly enter situationships often carry unresolved emotional wounds or insecure attachment patterns from the past, which can lead them to tolerate ambiguity even when it hurts (Langlais et al., 2024).
Should You Stay or Let Go? 4 Ways to Gain Clarity in an Unclear Relationship
Learn how to listen to yourself, express your needs and protect your emotional space
If you’re feeling stuck between longing and confusion, here are four ways to reflect and reconnect with your truth:
1) Slow down and listen to your real feelings
Ask yourself honestly: am I staying because I truly feel seen and valued, or because I’m afraid of being alone?
2) Express your emotional needs with honesty
Speaking up can be scary, but it’s an important step towards understanding what you want and whether this person can meet you there.
3) Set healthy boundaries as an act of self-respect
Choosing not to accept an unbalanced dynamic opens the door to healthier, more fulfilling connections.
4) Remind yourself that you deserve real love
If this relationship leaves you feeling unsure, silent, or unseen, it might be time to let go with care and come back home to yourself.
How to Stay Emotionally Grounded in a Situationship
When love feels unclear, here’s how to return to your centre.
Not every relationship needs an immediate label when you date. But if your connection is starting to cause more confusion than comfort, that’s a signal worth paying attention to.
You have the right to ask for clarity. You also have the right to walk away. Love isn’t supposed to feel like a guessing game. True love helps you grow, understand yourself more deeply and feel more peaceful, not more lost.
MindForest App: Your Emotional Toolkit for Navigating Situationships
Explore your inner world, understand your emotional patterns and build healthier connections.
If you’re feeling caught in an emotionally grey relationship, unsure of how they feel or where you stand, it’s normal to feel conflicted. That’s where MindForestcan offer gentle guidance and support.
Langlais, M. R., Podberesky, A., Toohey, L., & Lee, C. T. (2024). Defining and describing situationships: An exploratory investigation. Sexuality & Culture, 28(4), 1831–1857. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12119-024-10128-z
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